A Tribute to Those Who Do Not Shrink Back

After landing in Boston at 10:30am, it is 1:30pm and I just returned home after attempting to view Senator Kennedy at the JFK Library. The viewing ends at 3pm but the lines are so long that they are not allowing anyone else to enter. I was planning to publish something I wrote in Brazil but Senator Kennedy’s death has been weighing on me since I found out of his death on Wednesday.

Being a 30-year-old Boston girl, I don’t remember a time before Teddie Kennedy. For my entire life he has been a fixture of Massachusetts and national politics. I have to admit that I was deeply disappointed and conflicted when I saw the PBS special on the Kennedys and learned about Senator Kennedy’s darkest moment. I remember that as a young person I couldn’t understand how a man that had done something like that could be forgiven and allowed to come into such great power. My opinion was clearly shaped by how little life I had lived and the influence of my fairly conservative evangelical school where we were taught that liberals were generally God-hating people.

But then I kept on living and through my own life and the experiences of my friends I came up against the tough reality that life is not so black and white and that good people can make really bad decisions. To this day I find myself making stupid decisions and wondering if I am worthy of the esteem that I am given by friends and colleagues or the grace that I am given by God. In these periods of self-doubt I tend to shrink back from my calling – I tell myself that I am not worthy of doing more or being more. I ignore the voices of people who tell me that I am called to greater ministry and greater public service, believing that they don’t really understand who I am or overestimate my skills.

I am sure that Ted Kennedy struggled with the same kind of doubt when he was going through deep public humiliation. I can imagine there were times that he wanted to shrink back and just live a private life – yet he chose to step into an even more public role. Why? He had enough money that he didn’t need the job. He had enough of a family name that he could have ridden that to ongoing fame.

Teddy Kennedy continued to pursue his calling because his belief in God’s grace, his love of people and his dedication to justice were greater than his self-doubt or his desire for privacy. In the end I think he could keep on going because it was not really about him. For the past few days thousands of people have been in mourning not because he was some royal figure, but because he touched their lives personally. To mothers with a child struggling with ADD to unemployed workers in need of jobs to military families mourning the loss of a loved one – Ted Kennedy showed his love for people in a really real way.

I am nearing the end of my three month sabbatical and so many people have been telling me that it is time for me to take my life and my work to the next level. I have spent the past 14 years of my life and particularly the past two years of my life in conflict about my calling – despite being born into a relatively well known family and being the kind of person who has never been known for being shy, at times I have fantasized about being a behind-the-scenes person who will never be known by many. But the reality is that deep in my soul I yearn for a better world. Like Senator Kennedy I have a deep love for people and I hope that my work makes it easier for people to find their own potential for greatness.

Senator Kennedy, today as I mourn your death I commit to fully embracing two lessons that I have learned from you. First I will learn to forgive myself and to stop allowing my own self doubt to stand in the way of God’s calling to work tirelessly in the pursuit of justice. Second, I will continue to learn always how to work more and more from a place of love and deep respect for all people. It is that love and respect for people that allowed you to reach across the aisle to people who had different opinions than yours and it was because they realized that you operated from love that they could respect your relentless passion for justice.

Senator Kennedy you were not a perfect man – you didn’t claim to be. But I believe that from your own place of brokenness had a deeper compassion for others. From a place of great privilege you developed a deep sense of responsibility. At the end of the day it was not about it you but about the people you were called to serve.

And so in honor of your life, I offer these words from the poetry of Hebrews 10:22 – 11:1

22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of father, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we process, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us enourage one another – 32 Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood our ground in the face of suffering. 33 Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. 34 You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.

35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

38 But my righteous one will live by faith, And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.

1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Thank you Senator Kennedy for allowing me to see what it means to live these words. While I do not know where my path will take me, I am inspired by your willing to embrace your calling in the service of God’s will.